Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
