you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
