i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Randomize
