Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
