Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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