my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
