He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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