drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
