i barfeds in our rink
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Watching her eat just hurts me
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
