I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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