looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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