how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
