don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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