It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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