I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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