either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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