matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
