just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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