We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
