I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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