Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
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I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
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IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.