i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.