I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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