NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.