So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
... don't judge me
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
21 Guys Share Their Insane Stripper Stories
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
27 Reasons Why Men Need To Moan More During Sex
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?