i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
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i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
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I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus