I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah