My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
