just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
