i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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