Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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