it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
