its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize