Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
