my phone needs a breathalizer
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
