your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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