I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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