I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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