I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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