Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
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second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
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You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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