I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
