I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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