I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
