Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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