i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
