Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
