sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
