She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
