seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
