I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
