It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
