"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
