I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
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You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
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Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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