Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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