Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
