If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
