I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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