He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
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apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
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Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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